19th n 20th of may.11:23pm n 1:05am.black dimond-skiing thru my ears,inevitably bringin an overwhelmin sensation over my tired body.am bad at xpressin wat i really feel(seldom,is my feelin-real..n nawt sumthin related 2 stark-un-real)...am good at "over-xpressin"myself.i cud've done wid a tequila shot.my"mostly"relaxed mind's troubling me now.icse results-TOMORROW.THE 20TH!"heyhh....how d fuck do i care....or should i care?gimme a break....i dunn giv a damn,get ITT?"-dats how i adress,remarx lyk"reults,tomorrow...feelin tensed,eh?"....but hell,i do kindoff care.....juss 4 d sake of my parents...i dunn wanna let dem down....its olways been lyk...in my family,ppl hav been comparin me n framin my faults as iv dey wer certificates....2 discuss bout n point it out 2 each oder,later....wen am,out of their earshot!.....SCREW....ITTT!!!!AM KINDA TENSED....BUT I KNOW I'LL SUCCEED....I HAV2.....I BLIV IN MIRACLES,SO.....GOD IF I HAVENT GIVEN A PROPER XAM...I STILL XPECT 2 GET GOOD RESULTS....DONT LET,MA BABA N DIDI...N MOST IMPORTANTLY-ME...DOWN.I BLIEVE,DAT I HAVVVVV DONE WELL....YESSSS,I HAV!
Had a talk wid tedz 2day,a frank talk....i've been wantin 4 ages......i wanted him know,wat has been goin on btwn zu n me!he xpressd ol dat i wanted 2 tell myself.he had no right 2 drag me away 4m rukz...wen he himself is juss similar 2 him........its lyk dat...d hol wurld's d sem....ppl...juss cant be mere friends....we crave 4 sum1 2 hold on 2...sum1....2 lean on.....sum1 hu mex us feel secured....sum1 hu'll come runin if v need him.....n sum1 hu promises 2 tek "our love" 2 d end ov tym,evn in d darkest nyt.................its mere SELFISHNESS.....FOOLERY.................ITS NOTHIN.........lust brings us down....nd mex us 4get--dat friendshipp is hell,more important.
gonna lissen 2 nytwish,now.....currently am addicted 2 their female vocalist's-gothic-opera-oriented voice.....white night fantasy.........oooooooooooooooo........amaranth.....maddening........---"u believe,but wat u see?u recieve,but wat u give"?......I STILL BELIVE...N HELL,I GIVE AWAY....LOADS..MOSTLY,ITS MY PAPER HEART,WHICH FLIES OF 2 ODERS!
20th.got OVER WITH IT.THE MIRACLE DIDNT HAPPEN!!!!.......!FUCK.....I SCREWD IT UPP.....BIGGGG TYM!
SOWIE.....EXPECTATORS!!!
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